Dealing with Loss and Death

We all deal with death and loss and tragedy in our own ways. But do we all heal from it, or do we continue to suffer?

I know, this is not the easiest of topics to open with but let me explain why I chose to talk of this. My aunt left her body last week, so I have been at her funeral and talking of death and suffering. Talking of peace and release.

She suffered with cancer, it was a tough way to go, but she fought in her own way to the end. Refusing to mention how bad it really was. That was her coping mechanism. In one way, it is a peaceful release, to be freed from this suffering that so many others are going through. The sadness is not on her passing away, but on who she has left behind and how they are to deal with these emotions.

I am also reminded of my own dealing with death. Today marks my sisters birthday, she would have been 27. She was the middle sister. Her 16 year anniversary was on Sunday. Her story made my family who we are today. She brought such beauty, such love and light to our relationships. Through her, we grew up thinking differently, we reacted differently because her life affected us in such a beautiful way.

We bonded over her and after her death we grew stronger together too. That is a big aspect of healing. Become closer with those around you, in your own time, healing and love takes place.

Jill was born with Edwards Syndrome. She could not walk or talk, she remained like a baby for her almost 11 years here. She had long limbs, pale skin and beautiful dark hair with a chestnut sheen to it. Her eyes were blue, light blue and her dark lashes were to die for. As three sisters we shared strong similarities but our colouring set us apart. I had blonde hair and brown eyes, Jill’s dark hair and blue eyes and Diana with brown hair and green eyes! We often wonder what she would be like now, in-between the two of us.

You see, as much as this may sound sad. And it is sad to lose a loved one. She brought us joy, the simplicity of joy. Her laugh was a delight, and when she got the fit of giggles it was contagious. I could lay with her for hours as a kid, just staring at her, an unspoken communication. A love that was built on deep connection, respect and pure enjoyment of each other’s space.

Her death was a not a shock, we knew it was coming. It was a miracle she even lived passed her first few days. We had spent numerous Christmases in the Children’s Hospital in Harcourt Street, but it was this year 1998, that she left her body. Only two days before her 11th Birthday.

We all deal with death and loss in different ways. Tragedy affects us individually. Some retreat, become quiet and process it internally. Others are great at talking it out, some bury it for another day and carry on. Some even let emotion come out when it is ready, this can be the hardest thing to do. When emotion strikes and you have to deal with it – how do you deal with it? No right or wrong way, your own process of emotion is right for you. as long as you do face it at some point.

Here are my tips for healing. A simple process that  we must go through to heal emotions in our being.  And it can be related to a death, or ending of some kind. Even if it is a loss or ending of a relationship, healing always needs to take place. Again timing on this depends on the individual.

I have great gratitude for Jill’s presence in my life. She is my Angel, she is the Angel for my family, we all call for her. Always with us.

Like every soul that departs the physical word, they stay in the hearts of those who loved them. They are always there for you, if you need just ask for them. And remember to be grateful of their presence in your life. As I mentioned before gratitude keeps that energy flowing.






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